When Transitions Feel Too Big: Supporting Kids Through Change of Back to School
Transitions are part of everyday life. We move from morning to school, from play to dinner, from weekend to weekday. For many children—especially neurodivergent ones—these shifts can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff without a bridge. What seems like a small change on the outside (closing an iPad, leaving the playground, switching classrooms) can feel enormous inside the nervous system.
As both a parent and an educator, I’ve seen how transitions can be the spark that lights the fire of dysregulation. However, I’ve also learned that with the proper child-regulation strategies and sensory supports, kids can develop the skills and confidence to navigate change with greater ease.
Why Transitions Are Hard on Regulation
For many children, especially those with autism, ADHD, or sensory processing differences, transitions can be uniquely challenging. Here’s why:
Predictability and safety: Our nervous systems crave patterns. When the pattern changes, the brain scans for danger.
Task switching: Moving from one activity to another requires executive functioning—skills that are still developing in children and are often particularly challenging for neurodivergent individuals.
Emotional attachment: Children often become fully immersed in the moment. Leaving behind a toy, a game, or even a person can feel like a loss, not just a shift.
This is why what adults may interpret as “resistance” is often really the body saying, “I’m not ready for this change yet.”
Signs of Transition Dysregulation
Every child responds differently, but common signs that a transition is overwhelming include:
Meltdowns or shutdowns right before or during the change
Clinginess, avoidance, or bargaining (“just five more minutes!”)
Sudden spikes in energy or emotion (running, yelling, crying)
Withdrawal, silence, or refusal to move
Recognizing these as nervous system responses—not “bad behavior”—is the first step to supporting child regulation during daily routines.
Strategies to Support Smoother Transitions
The good news is that there are practical, research-based tools that parents, teachers, and caregivers can use to make transitions feel less overwhelming.
1. Preview the Change
Use timers, visual schedules, or verbal countdowns to give the brain a heads-up.
Example: “Five more minutes of play, then we’ll head inside for lunch.”
2. Anchor With Rituals
A consistent song, phrase, or action that marks the shift helps children’s brains recognize: “We’re moving, and I know what comes next.”
3. Offer Choices Where Possible
Even small choices restore a child’s sense of control.
“Do you want to walk or hop to the car?”
4. Use Sensory Supports
Sensory support tools, such as weighted lap pads, fidgets, movement breaks, or deep breathing exercises, can calm the nervous system before a change.
5. Connect Before Direct
This is where co-regulation matters most. Before giving an instruction, take a moment to connect. Make eye contact, validate feelings, or use a calming phrase.
“I know it’s hard to stop playing. You’re having so much fun. Let’s take three deep breaths together before we put the blocks away.”
How Adults Can Stay Regulated During Transitions
Supporting a child through tough transitions starts with the adult’s regulation. Kids borrow our nervous systems before they can regulate their own, which means our calm becomes their calm. Here are simple ways parents and educators can stay steady in the moment:
Pause and Breathe First
Take one slow breath before giving directions. This signals to your own body—and your child—that you’re safe and steady.
Ground Yourself
Notice your feet on the floor, unclench your jaw, or relax your shoulders. Small physical shifts calm the nervous system.
Use a Calm Anchor Phrase
Have a phrase ready, like “We can do this together” or “One step at a time.” Repeating it helps you as much as it allows your child.
Regulate the Environment
Lower background noise, dim bright lights, or reduce other sensory input before a transition. This creates space for everyone to breathe.
Offer Yourself Compassion
Transitions can be stressful for adults, too. Remind yourself that it’s okay if it takes time and practice—you’re building skills alongside your child.
When adults model regulation, children not only feel safer in the moment—they also learn powerful coping strategies by example.
For Parents and Educators
It’s tempting to push through transitions with firmness alone, especially when time is short. However, when children are in fight-flight-freeze mode, no amount of logic or consequence will bring them back to a state of calm. What helps most is co-regulation: the steady calm of a safe adult showing, “I can help you through this change.”
Over time, with practice and support, kids begin to internalize these strategies. They may transition from needing complete guidance to setting their timer, taking a breath before a switch, or even asking for help when the change feels too overwhelming.
Closing Thought
Transitions are woven into everyday life, but they don’t have to unravel a child’s regulation. When we slow down, offer connection, and provide sensory supports, we build bridges instead of cliffs. Each successful transition—no matter how small—is a victory in growing resilience.
👉 Want practical tools you can start using right away?
Explore my Free Resource Library for downloadable supports, such as I Feel/I Need charts and visuals, that make child regulation and smoother transitions easier at home and school.