Learning Out Loud: Why I Let Myself Be a Student Again

There’s something humbling—and surprisingly freeing—about letting yourself be a beginner again.

Not just in the obvious ways, like starting a new job or hobby. But in the quieter, more vulnerable spaces where you’ve already put in the hours. Where something isn’t quite working, but you don’t yet know how to fix it. Where the stakes feel high because you’ve already invested time and heart—and you don’t want to ruin what’s there.

This week, I let myself draw over a painting I knew wasn’t finished—because I finally asked for help. I didn’t want to ruin what was already working, and I didn’t have the knowledge or clarity to move forward. But when my instructor gently suggested what was missing—and encouraged me to draw directly on top of the painting—I chose to trust the process. And that choice reminded me that being a student isn’t a step backward. It’s an act of courage and growth.

The Painting I Knew Wasn’t Finished

One of the pieces I brought to class was from my Lake Ontario series. I had put time and heart into it—but I knew something was off. It wasn’t done. I could feel it.

But I didn’t know how to finish it.

I didn’t want to overwork it or ruin what was already working. I lacked the knowledge, the clarity—and, honestly—the confidence. So I paused. I stopped pushing. I brought it, along with a few other unfinished pieces, to my workshop and asked for guidance.

My instructor gently showed me what I couldn’t see on my own yet. She pointed out where the composition fell flat, where the eye had nowhere to travel, and what might bring it back to life.

And then she said the thing that made me hesitate:
“You need to draw directly on top of it.”

I took a breath—and did it.

What followed was not a mess but a map. That drawing became a guide. I filled in the new shapes with paint. I added light and shadow. I rebalanced the composition. And just like that, the painting deepened, defined itself, and came together.

And isn’t that true of life?

So often, we stop short—not because we’re wrong, but because we’ve gone as far as we can with what we know. And in those moments, when we’re willing to ask for help and stay open to redirection, the next step reveals itself.

Sometimes, growth looks like drawing on top of something you thought was finished—and watching it transform into what it was meant to be.

Letting the Website Teach Me Too

It’s not just in art.

A few months ago, I hired someone to build my website. When it didn’t work out, I was frustrated—but calm. I regulated myself, watched tutorials, and got back to basics. It took longer than I wanted. It was messy. But it’s mine now. And I’m proud of it.

Just like in painting, I had to choose process over perfection. To stop fearing the mess and start learning from it.

In Parenting, Too: Student Energy Helps

Even as a teacher and parent, I’ve had to reclaim “student energy.” When my child is dysregulated, when strategies fail, when a meltdown happens in public—I have to remember I don’t need to have all the answers. I need to stay open, curious, and compassionate.

Being a student of parenting doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing.
It means I know there’s always more to learn about this child, this moment, this need.

The Creative Load of Caregiving

And here’s something else I want to say—especially to the women and caregivers reading this:

You are already using the creative side of your brain all day long—and often all night, too.

I hear it often:
“I wish I had time to paint. Or write. Or knit. Or do anything creative.”

However, that sentiment often overlooks the entire truth. It’s not just about time—it’s about capacity.

After planning three meals a day (plus snacks) for multiple humans, holding everyone’s schedule in mind, and constantly reworking plans for school pickups, sports, doctor appointments, holidays, birthdays, and more—it’s no wonder there’s nothing left in the tank.

And that’s assuming everyone is healthy, the car doesn’t break down, and you’re getting help (spoiler: most of us aren’t).

I remember when my children were young, and people would say:
“You should start painting again.”
I’d think: “When? Midnight? After everyone’s asleep, and I’ve finished the homework for my graduate class after working all day?”

The mental load that mothers and caregivers carry isn’t just about logistics—it’s inherently creative. It’s constantly solving puzzles, adapting plans, and using the emotional and imaginative parts of the brain to keep your family’s world turning.

And science backs this up.

One study found that a high cognitive load significantly decreases creative output because those mental pathways are already in overdrive (source: ScienceDirect).

💬 Another study showed that mothers carry around 71% of their household’s cognitive and emotional management load (source: Psychology Today).

So, if you finally get a quiet moment and feel too brain-fried to write a sentence or pick up a brush? That’s not laziness. That’s a creative system asking for recovery.

You’re not unmotivated. You’re exhausted.
And that’s allowed.

Let your art, your journal, or your messy draft be a place where you receive, not perform.

Staying Open Is a Practice

We often discuss growth mindset, but it’s easy to forget that being open requires effort. It’s a choice. Sometimes, it means letting go of a finished draft, a favorite brushstroke, or an approach that once worked.

Staying open doesn’t mean we lack wisdom.
It means we’re wise enough to stay teachable.

If You’re in a Learning Season...

Here’s your permission to be in process.
Sketch over something you thought was done.
Revise. Reroute. Restart.

Let being a student again feel like a return to possibility—not a failure to master it.

Because learning out loud is brave—
and you’re not alone in it.

With you in the process,
creating from the chaos,
Kate

The Art of Co-Regulation: When Kids Can’t Calm Alone

The Myth of Independent Regulation

It started with a meltdown in the grocery store.
You weren’t ignoring your child—you were crouched beside them, trying to help them breathe, trying not to cry yourself. An older woman walked by and muttered, “She needs to learn how to control herself.”

If only she knew.

The truth is that many kids—especially neurodivergent kids—can’t just “calm down” on command. Expecting them to do so without support doesn’t teach regulation. It teaches shame.

Co-regulation isn’t enabling.
It’s the foundation of emotional development.

What Is Co-Regulation?

Co-regulation is the warm, responsive presence of a regulated adult helping a dysregulated child return to a state of safety and stability. It’s not about controlling behavior—it’s about anchoring the nervous system in connection.

As the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard explains, emotional regulation is a learned skill—shaped through repeated experiences of being soothed, seen, and supported. Just like language acquisition, regulation is not innate; it's built through millions of exposures. Children don't learn to speak after one sentence—they learn through modeling, repetition, and responsive interaction. The same is true for calming strategies. When children are consistently co-regulated, they begin developing the neural pathways necessary for self-regulation over time.

Research Insight: According to Dr. Stuart Shanker—a distinguished research professor emeritus at York University in Toronto and founder of The MEHRIT Centre—“calm begets calm.” His work on self-regulation highlights how a child’s stress system is directly shaped by the emotional availability of the adults around them.

For young children, self-regulation is a destination.
Co-regulation is the vehicle that gets them there.

Calm is contagious.
And we lead the way.

Why Some Kids Can’t Calm Down Alone

(Especially Neurodivergent Kids)

When a child is dysregulated, it’s not a “mode”—it’s a neurological shutdown. Their prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and decision-making—short-circuits under stress.
They’re not refusing to listen. They can’t.

Neuroscience Fact: During acute stress, the amygdala activates the fight-flight-freeze response. Blood flow is redirected away from the prefrontal cortex, making it nearly impossible for a child to reason, follow directions, or “use their words.”

For children who have more sensitive sensory processing and feel, see, and hear the world in a magnified way, they often live on the edge of overwhelm—so it only takes a small thing to tip them over.

Neurodivergent kids are more likely to experience:

• Heightened sensory input — Everyday experiences such as lights, sounds, textures, or smells can feel overwhelming or even painful. What seems small or ignorable to adults may feel enormous to a child with sensory sensitivities, causing stress to build quickly and unexpectedly. This is why children with sensory processing challenges are often particular about what they wear (jeans can feel like sandpaper), what they eat (a fresh blueberry might taste sweet, sour, firm, or squishy—all in one handful—while crackers or chicken nuggets always taste and feel the same), or how they respond to environments like parades or birthday parties, which are full of unexpected sounds, bright lights, and chaotic movement.

• Increased difficulty with transitions — Every unexpected or unknown situation creates uncertainty in how their brain and body will react. Predictability provides a sense of safety not just in knowing what to expect from their surroundings, but also from within themselves. This is why visual supports, predictable schedules, consistent routines, and familiar objects help them feel safe, connected, and able to regulate.

• Differences in interoception (internal body awareness) — Many children struggle to recognize internal cues like hunger, thirst, needing the bathroom, or rising frustration. This makes it harder for them to notice early signs of dysregulation and ask for help before they reach a meltdown. For some, it can feel as if they’ve disconnected or disassociated from their body entirely—because it's too overwhelming to process all the physical input coming in at once.

• A deep need for safety, predictability, and trust — Children thrive in environments where they feel emotionally and physically secure. When adults offer consistency, gentle tone, and clear boundaries, it builds the relational trust needed for co-regulation to succeed.

But it’s not just neurodivergent children. All kids—especially between ages 2 and 8—are still building the brain structures needed for regulation. Emotional regulation requires a mature prefrontal cortex, which doesn’t fully develop until early adulthood. Until then, children rely on caregivers to co-regulate.

Developmental Insight: According to child development research, tantrums and meltdowns are developmentally expected in early childhood. What adults often label as “defiance” is frequently a stress response triggered by fatigue, hunger, sensory overload, or unexpected transitions.

Expert Validation: Dr. Mona Delahooke, author of Brain-Body Parenting, reminds us that challenging behaviors are often “the tip of the iceberg”—what we see on the surface when the nervous system is in distress.

It’s not just your child.
And it’s not bad behavior.
It’s a nervous system asking for help.

All of the supports we’ve just touched upon—predictable routines, sensory accommodations, visual aids, consistent language—work together to create a sense of safety for neurodivergent children. That sense of safety is key to their ability to regulate.

Important Reminder: When a child is escalated or overwhelmed, avoid using too many words, raising your voice, or offering unpredictable physical contact. These well-intentioned responses can unintentionally increase stress. What helps most in those moments is calm presence, few words, and predictable, gentle support.

What Co-Regulation Looks Like in Real Life

It’s not always graceful or planned. Sometimes, it looks like this:

• A teacher quietly joins a student under a table during a fire drill, matching their breath.

• A parent whispering, “You’re safe. I’ve got you,” while holding a firm but loving boundary.

• A caregiver offering a sensory tool instead of a scolding.

Co-regulation isn’t about stopping the storm. It’s about being the safe harbor until it passes.

How Adults Can Prepare to Co-Regulate

Let’s be honest—this work is hard.
Sometimes, we’re dysregulated, too. Sometimes we want to scream.

True co-regulation starts with adult regulation. And adult regulation begins with self-awareness, care, and boundaries that allow us to show up with the bandwidth to offer calm instead of chaos.

Here’s what helps:

• Breathe first. One slow exhale can shift the tone of everything.

• Use calming scripts. When your mind goes blank, borrow mine.

• Keep tools handy. Visuals, breathing cards, and fidgets reduce the pressure for both of you.

Grounded Reality: Co-regulation doesn’t require perfection. According to research on rupture and repair (Tronick, 2007), it’s not whether we always stay calm—it’s whether we reconnect. Repairing after a tough moment builds trust and resilience in both the child and the adult.

Need support in those high-stress moments?
5 Scripts for Hard Parenting Moments — Gentle, affirming words for when you’re too tired to think.

Tip: Help your child by managing expectations clearly. Use short, consistent language: “First we brush teeth, then we read,” and follow up with visual or sensory supports. Predictability + support = more success.

Gentle Tools That Help: The Calm-Down Toolkit

I’m putting the finishing touches on the Little Dragon Calm-Down Toolkit—a free printable designed to support co-regulation at home and in the classroom. Inside, you’ll find:

• A social story featuring Little Dragon learning to calm down

• Printable breathing visuals and sensory supports

• A grownup guide with simple scripts and tips

• Bonus ideas for using the toolkit at home or school

While it's not quite ready yet, the Calm-Down Toolkit will be available soon as a free printable. Stay tuned—I'll share the link right here when it's live!

You’re Not Failing—You’re Connecting

If your child can’t calm alone, that doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means they still trust you to help carry their biggest feelings.

You don’t have to be perfect.
You just have to stay close.

P.S. I created the Little Dragon Calm-Down Toolkit to help you through the hardest moments—no rewards, no gimmicks, just connection, visual support, and care. In the meantime, if you're looking for something simple and immediate to help during tough moments, be sure to grab the 5 Scripts for Hard Parenting Moments—a free, printable resource with gentle, affirming phrases to support co-regulation.

When Words Disappear: Why Visual Schedules Support Regulation in Neurodivergent Kids

By Kate Powers

The cereal spills, the pants do not feel right, and your child melts down when you ask them to brush their teeth—and it is only 7:23 a.m.

You are trying to stay calm, but you are already late for work. You crouch down, speak gently, offer choices, maybe even beg. Still, nothing works. Your child is on the floor, overwhelmed. You are both exhausted, and the day has not even started.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.

For many neurodivergent children, transitions and uncertainty can feel threatening. It is not defiance—it is distress. Their nervous system is overwhelmed, and their brain is doing everything possible to stay safe.

That is where visual schedules come in. They are not just picture cards. They are a relationship-based, brain-wise tool for reducing anxiety, supporting communication, and building trust.

Why Visual Schedules Help

Visual schedules reduce cognitive load—the mental effort required to process verbal directions, anticipate routines, and shift from one activity to the next. Reducing that load is essential for children with ADHD, autism, trauma exposure, or sensory sensitivities.

They help:

• Reduce anxiety by showing what is coming next

• Create independence through a consistent structure

• Offer alternatives when verbal language is inaccessible

• Build co-regulation and trust between the adult and the child

"Predictability is regulation."

"A picture can speak when the child cannot."

Why Visuals Are So Effective (and It is Not Just the Pictures)

The power of visual schedules comes from how and who uses them, not just from the images themselves. A visual card in isolation is just paper. However, visuals become safety anchors when paired with a calm adult, minimal verbal demands, and a supportive presence.

"Visuals support regulation when used in a relationship, not just a routine."

This approach is grounded in research on trauma-informed practices and universal design:

• According to CAST (Center for Applied Special Technology), visual tools are a core component of Universal Design for Learning (UDL), allowing diverse learners to access, engage with, and express understanding through multiple modalities.

• Zaretta Hammond (2015) emphasizes in Culturally Responsive Teaching and the Brain that predictable routines and visual supports calm the amygdala, allowing students to remain receptive to learning.

• Dr. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child, reminds us that "kids do well if they can" and that offering visual clarity is one way we can support lagging skills and reduce explosive moments through proactive structure.

• The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard reinforces that when stress is high, the prefrontal cortex shuts down, temporarily limiting reasoning, language, and impulse control. In this state, visuals can serve as a stabilizing guide.

"Reducing cognitive load frees up mental space for emotional regulation, learning, and social connection."

This Is not Just for Neurodivergent Kids

Visual supports benefit all learners:

• Neurotypical children experience reduced anxiety and improved focus when routines are visually reinforced.

• English Language Learners (ELLs) benefit from visual scaffolding, which reduces processing demands and supports comprehension.

• Trauma-impacted students feel safer in environments where expectations are visible and consistent.

"Visuals make the invisible visible—and that helps every learner thrive."

Research supports this:

• Visual schedules are an evidence-based practice for autism, ADHD, and executive functioning challenges (Wong et al., 2015; National Autistic Society, 2020)

• UDL and trauma-informed education highlight visuals as critical tools for emotional safety and accessibility (CAST; Overstreet & Chafouleas, 2016)

• Structured environments with low verbal demands increase engagement and retention for ELL students and children with processing delays (Barkley, 2012; Hammond, 2015)

What Happens in the Brain During Overload

When a child feels confused, rushed, or overwhelmed, the amygdala activates the body's fight-or-flight system—even if the child is sitting quietly.

"When the amygdala senses a threat, it overrides the prefrontal cortex, the brain's center for reasoning and language."

(Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, 2021)

"Executive functions—including impulse control, working memory, and language processing—are temporarily impaired when stress hormones are elevated."

(McEwen & Morrison, 2013)

This is called an amygdala hijack. It is not a behavior problem—it is a brain-based survival response. For children who live in chronic stress or sensory overload, this can happen multiple times a day.

What This Really Looked Like in My Home

At this stage of our journey, I did not yet know that John was living in a constant state of overwhelm. I only knew that the slightest trigger could ignite a crisis.

Sometimes that crisis meant tackling him to prevent him from running into traffic on a busy Boston street, right outside a PF Chang's, which we later discovered was completely soundproof. Other times, it meant school staff finding him barricaded under a desk, wild-eyed and unreachable. I remember asking teachers, "What happened before John exploded?" since a series of events always fed the storm quietly building inside him all day.

Somewhere along the way, John often lost the ability to speak. This could last 20 minutes to two hours. His body would fold in on itself, his eyes glaze over, and his face—his whole presence—would shift into something almost unrecognizable. He looked like a frightened animal being hunted, and I had no idea how to help.

I sat with him in calm silence, holding space while his body tried to come back online. I breathed. I waited. I whispered, "Are you ready?" Most of the time, he was not. So we sat longer.

"Sometimes regulation starts with just being witnessed—quietly, lovingly, without demand."

In those moments, visuals were not helpful. Just like his words, John could not access them. His brain was deep in fight-or-flight, and the shutdown had already happened.

This is why visual supports are a preventative tool, not a reactive one. They are most potent when used before the child reaches the yellow or red zone to reduce anxiety, increase predictability, and build capacity for self-regulation.

Unfortunately, John was often punished at school for not using the visuals handed to him after he was already dysregulated. He was not being oppositional—he was in survival mode.

At home, we did it differently.

Once he had calmed from the school day, we used visuals in a quiet, connected way. We would preview the next morning together, using photo cards of him smiling, brushing his teeth, or packing his backpack. It gave him ownership, a chance to see himself as successful, a roadmap to follow, not a demand to meet.

"Visuals do not work because they are pictures. They work because they are offered compassion, clarity, and time."

Free Resource: Visual Schedule Starter Pack

To help families and educators begin using visual supports, I created a Visual Schedule Starter Pack. It includes:

• Printable routine strips for morning, afternoon, and bedtime

• Visual cue cards for emotional regulation

• Setup tips for home and school

• Gentle, neurodivergent-affirming design

• Color and black-and-white formats

Download it here for free

Whether you support a child through transitions, language shutdowns, or emotional overload, this resource offers a starting place—and a path toward calm.

Visuals do not just help kids "follow directions."

They support the nervous system.

They reduce fear.

They create space for connection.

Moreover, that's where real learning—and real growth—begins.

More Free Resources for Gentle, Brain-Based Parenting

• 5 Scripts for Hard Parenting Moments

• Calming, affirming language to help you respond with confidence during meltdowns, transitions, and repair

• The Reset Ritual

• A 4-day email series to help you reset your nervous system and lead with calm

• Blog Articles

• Stories, tools, and truths for raising neurodivergent kids with clarity and compassion